addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
