i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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