his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
nutella sex= disaster
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
