Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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