The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
