you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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