I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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