ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
