I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
