it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm always down for nudity.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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