being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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