I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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