I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
