when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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