Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
