"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
