I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
