Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
