so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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