you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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