I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
