I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
