I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
