Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
