Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
