whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
