mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
