so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My vagina is very pro this idea
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
