Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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