someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
