Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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