And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
