just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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