So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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