I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
