So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
