I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
