I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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