Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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