Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
