im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
