i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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