So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
