i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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