i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
