i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
