U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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