I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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