I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i drank out of a bidet.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
