People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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