you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Still dying that you shit outside
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
