You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
